i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
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