I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
