My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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