I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
