I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
This toilet bowl is my home.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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