Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
