Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
