Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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