she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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