What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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