Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
