There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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