I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
