i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm bleeding and have questions
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
