if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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