im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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