What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
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But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
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I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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