yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
