Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
