Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
