I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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