he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
