Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
