i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I am available for nakedness
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
