Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
