No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just had sex bonerless
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
