you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
