Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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