okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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