last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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