the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
