I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
two words...techno handjob
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
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