I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
