he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
