Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
