I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
