There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize
