elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
