on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize