Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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