i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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