Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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