Don't make out with my wife yet
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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