We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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