Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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