i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
as a side note pls kill me
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