Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
