Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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