We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
