just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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