Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
