Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
