I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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