Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
The maid of honor just puked.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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