she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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