I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
how drunk are you?
Several
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
