What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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