do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
