A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
