My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize