The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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