He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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