Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
