my phone needs a breathalizer
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
