dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
