all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
