he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
