I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i can't believe i had my finger in that
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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