i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
