what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
