so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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