I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
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I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
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You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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