thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
