Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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