I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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