wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize