That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
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