hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
