I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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