ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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