You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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